apathy or anger?

i actual felt anger today. when i arrived home, i realized that fedex had still not of been here. its not even a big deal really, but i was like what the fuck, why can’t a big company with high paid employees send me my shit via fedex? first of all i was rushed into thinking that fedex was coming on tuesday, and then a no show all week (except to deliver some other shit). maybe i was so angry because all these big companies can’t give me what i want. and if i don’t get what i want, how can i be motivated to care?!?! this is bullshit… i want to care! i want to put effort in!!! i want to feel like i am earning something!! it has become way to easy to sit back and be my apathetic self. i don’t even think i am that person any more since i was actually angry that fedex never showed…. thank god for this blog, because without it this anger would be sent to my boss, which actually i think it should. ohh well…. i’ll just put minimum effort in and continue to get zero satisfaction.

blah blah blah

do do do, la la la, blog blog blog. time for some water and time to start studying. peace.

a friend

i miss my friend, in the end i miss my friend. this is a friend that is not one person, this is not a friend who you can physically talk to, this is a friend that only existed because everything was aligned. everything worked together, hand and hand this friend was there, this friend was always able to fill the need, this friend could morph into whatever and would enjoy the ride. this friend would help and this friend always needed help. i enjoyed this friend, i enjoyed helping, communicating, and feeling needed.

nevermind, i am confused; time to go buy some black pants.

morning thoughts

well a lot has happened in the last week, a lot of things that are quite progressive. things are changing but very slowly, i am moving out of summer mode and trying to get focused here. i start a new part time job tomorrow, which is just a temporary position for the next nine weeks. i am hoping this job will expose me to some other full time opportunity, but at the bare minimum i know that i will walk away with some new experience, which will definitely help me down the road. the hunt for full time is still in full force, and i have a few connections i still have to try to utilize. this is a tough process, and i am appreciating the help i am getting from a few good people. you people know who you are and i thank you tonnes!! well i am off to the office now to finish off this week. peace. velkr0.

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