i actual felt anger today. when i arrived home, i realized that fedex had still not of been here. its not even a big deal really, but i was like what the fuck, why can’t a big company with high paid employees send me my shit via fedex? first of all i was rushed into thinking that fedex was coming on tuesday, and then a no show all week (except to deliver some other shit). maybe i was so angry because all these big companies can’t give me what i want. and if i don’t get what i want, how can i be motivated to care?!?! this is bullshit… i want to care! i want to put effort in!!! i want to feel like i am earning something!! it has become way to easy to sit back and be my apathetic self. i don’t even think i am that person any more since i was actually angry that fedex never showed…. thank god for this blog, because without it this anger would be sent to my boss, which actually i think it should. ohh well…. i’ll just put minimum effort in and continue to get zero satisfaction.