becoming antsy

it’s now 4 oclock and i have done fuck all today, i attempted to apply for one job (but was talked out of it due to lack of pay), i have paid some bills, and looked into the application process for EI. i could just go have a beer and relax… or get in the car and visit some friends… or take my laptop to the store so they can fix the optical drive and look at the screen… but i don’t want to… i was going to go for a bike ride.. but my tire is flat… i should go fix my tire… yeah.. or maybe just go for a run… i want to play some tennis actually… but it seems like i am the only bum around so finding a tennis partner is difficult… i could clean this mess up… but naaa… i am so antsy… industrious to find myself some happiness… but somehow lost and incoherent to any direction in life…. well that’s not totally true… i have a general idea of the direction i want to take… and that direction is anywhere ‘up’… i refuse to waste anytime going ‘down’… this up and down scale is totally subjective to my beliefs and ideas of what life could/should be… basically meaning right now i am not willing to do something that does not require the ‘hoops’ i have already passed through… (ie skool, experience, etc…) this makes perfect logical sense… (why would i want to go backwards?) so this means what? i need to focus on what will make me happy, not what will simply give me money… now.. i think i would settle for something that gives me money and respect, even if i will not be totally happy with it… kuz that respect and money can be transferred into other aspects of my life… which could lead to happiness… anyways.. i am going for a run… peace out all!!

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