i actual felt anger today. when i arrived home, i realized that fedex had still not of been here. its not even a big deal really, but i was like what the fuck, why can’t a big company with high paid employees send me my shit via fedex? first of all i was rushed into thinking that fedex was coming on tuesday, and then a no show all week (except to deliver some other shit). maybe i was so angry because all these big companies can’t give me what i want. and if i don’t get what i want, how can i be motivated to care?!?! this is bullshit… i want to care! i want to put effort in!!! i want to feel like i am earning something!! it has become way to easy to sit back and be my apathetic self. i don’t even think i am that person any more since i was actually angry that fedex never showed…. thank god for this blog, because without it this anger would be sent to my boss, which actually i think it should. ohh well…. i’ll just put minimum effort in and continue to get zero satisfaction.
do do do, la la la, blog blog blog. time for some water and time to start studying. peace.
i miss my friend, in the end i miss my friend. this is a friend that is not one person, this is not a friend who you can physically talk to, this is a friend that only existed because everything was aligned. everything worked together, hand and hand this friend was there, this friend was always able to fill the need, this friend could morph into whatever and would enjoy the ride. this friend would help and this friend always needed help. i enjoyed this friend, i enjoyed helping, communicating, and feeling needed.
nevermind, i am confused; time to go buy some black pants.
well a lot has happened in the last week, a lot of things that are quite progressive. things are changing but very slowly, i am moving out of summer mode and trying to get focused here. i start a new part time job tomorrow, which is just a temporary position for the next nine weeks. i am hoping this job will expose me to some other full time opportunity, but at the bare minimum i know that i will walk away with some new experience, which will definitely help me down the road. the hunt for full time is still in full force, and i have a few connections i still have to try to utilize. this is a tough process, and i am appreciating the help i am getting from a few good people. you people know who you are and i thank you tonnes!! well i am off to the office now to finish off this week. peace. velkr0.
maybe its a front, its got to be. maybe its to cover up something, something painful. could be there as a shield. but this shield can be penetrated. you will see, you will open your eyes. your front will fade, as i disarm you with a smile.
it’s time… july is almost over.. ryan is getting married on saturday… and there is 1 month of summer left… i am starting to enter the right mindset to start studying for the lsat… while simultaneously continuing the job hunt… there may be a part time weekend position coming up.. which will last for 9 weeks… this is very poor timing … since i will want to focus this time on the lsat… however… maybe this extra responsibility will get be back on track and focused… in other words… goal-oriented. i am kinda of excited about practising and writing the lsat… it will be good to get my logical and analytical reasoning ability up…. also with the potential part time job.. it will give me some more work experience… but who knows right now… i need to get a hold of ryan.. so i can figure out where the wedding is so i can show up for rehearsal 🙂
well…. i am just going to list the items that i want… i want these items because they all seem kool… and i think i should have them…. now i really don’t need them for anything… other than personal ease or pleasure… they are as follows, in no particular order…
– digital camera, external hard drive, usb thumb drive, wireless keyboard and mouse, camera phone, expressvu pvr, laser printer, and umm… i thinks that’s all… please send your donations today.
tequila nite coming up… i think it will be the best booze for my mood… it should change things up a bit… and make everything warm and fuzzy… tequila is good that way… it really does change things up… i have always enjoyed tequila, but when i was in mexico this past february… i grew a greater appreciation for this fine beverage…. i wish it wasn’t so over priced here at the bars… but ohh well… i will just predrink it up using my tequila i have left from the duty free in mexico…
people… people should make the effort… people should care…. people should not be afraid to call… people should have confidence… people should be curious… people should discover… people….
people… should do unordinary things… people should surprise themselves and others… people should experience as much as possible… people should get into ‘trouble’… people should have billions of memories… and billions of memories to come… people….
well there is two “quotes” that i enjoy in the song ‘aeroplane flies high’ performed by smashing pumpkins (written by billy corgan)… and they are as follows:
1) if i knew where i was going, i’d already be there.
2) i’ve always been afraid to die, but i think i am more afraid to live.
these lyrics can be interpreted many different ways (i assume)… but the way i see it…
the first one means… that my life is my life… that i am currently living my life… and if my life were to be any different, it already would be… i would have already made the changes… i would of already progressed to this ‘new’ place to go.
the second one… well.. umm… just means that i am unable to make the changes in life, that will let life progress. these changes ‘should’ be made… because without them you are not really living… but this ties in with the fact that i dunno where i am going… so i can’t make the changes to ‘be there’…
so is it that i am afraid to make the changes or that i dunno what changes to make? or that i should not be afraid to live… and that i should be where i am going?