things to do

alright folks… it’s all about to get serious now… the conservatives are well conservatives… and want to start continue fucking things up… so go grab a nice stiff drink… watch this… and do your part… [link via YouTube]

jack bauer knows victoria’s secret.

i received ‘a forward’ today from my buddy jordan… and it made me laugh many a time out loud… warning!! it will not be funny to you.. unless you have been slowly working your way through watching 24 on dvd (like i have been)… or if you have been watching the show during actual television broadcasts…

anyway, i am now on day 3 (aka season 3)… at about 11pm (disc 3 of 6)… and for those of you who don’t know what 24 is… it is an american tv show on fox, set in real time, and stars canadian actor kiefer sutherland who plays ‘jack bauer’ and who’s actual grandfather is tommy douglas… the famous five-term premier of saskatchewan, the father of medicare, and the first leader of the ndp…)

now on to ‘the forward’….

When Jack Bauer owes Tony Soprano money, Tony says nothing.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Jack Bauers calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, “You’re in good hands with Jack Bauer”.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it’s beef.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

There is no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Jack Bauer’s favourite color is severe terror alert red. His second favourite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer’s seat, she’d move to the back of the bus.

When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he’s done it twice.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

Guns don’t kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “< Jack Bauer". In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars. Jack Bauer has shot more men in the face than Elton John. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness. It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it. Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret. What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed. If you spell Jack Bauer in a Scrabble game, you win. Forever. If O.J. ever met Jack Bauer, he'd confess. "Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked". When Jack Bauer pisses into the wind, the wind changes direction. If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris. Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed. Jack Bauer makes onions cry. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, Jack Bauer hears it.

leanin’ left with a trigga, yo

ok, the Liberal plan to ban hand guns really has my brain in a knot… now let me tell you why.. at first glance, in point form, and over the short-term, a ban on handguns:

• will not reduce homicides, or gang activity;
• will not reduce the use of handguns by criminals;
• will not reduce the supply of illegal handguns;
• actually discriminates against law-abiding citizens, who already have registered handguns; and,
• creates criminals out of currently registered owners unless they become ‘legitimate target shooters who meet strict requirements’ (extra fees not included)

i love it when i hear conservative ‘thinkers’ like Mr. Ralph Klein say things like: “I can ban anything. I can ban tape recorders, by law. It’s not going to stop you from using them” (from the cbc)

and he is 100% right. for instance, if the government decides to ban, steak knives, people will not take advantage of amnesty efforts, or buy-back programs… and it is simply because people need their knives to help facilitate steak consumption (also something klein would appreciate me saying :P)… anyways, most citizens do not use their supply/collection of knives to kill people, even though stabbings do account for the highest proportion of homicides in canada. (statcan)

ok, i’m getting off track here, so lets just assume knives will never be banned since they are essential to human survival, and get back to handguns; since we all know that handguns really only exist to shoot people. if we push politics aside for a moment, and forget about the short-term Liberal intension to gain popularity in urban-canada… we can focus on the long-term effects of a canadian handgun ban and see that over the long-term a ban on handguns:

• will strengthen our socially progressive canadian culture, by providing controls to dampen the need/desire for a handgun;
• will reduce the proportion of homicides caused by handguns, by eliminating the need for gangstas to partake in a self-defeating arms race; and thus,
• will result in a safter society, less reliant on handguns.

Joseph Heath & Andrew Potter, in The Rebel Sell, suggest that differences in “…culture are a consequence of the differences in laws and institutions” and well, this is most clearly seen by comparing us to our friend directly south, where “two-thirds of all homicide victims were killed with a firearm in 2003, [which was] more than double the proportion seen in Canada.” (from statcan) … obviously since canada already has stricter gun laws than the americans.

Ok, so i didn’t really prove anything with this post, and i am still really torn on the issue, even though i am clearly leading a little left…. any thoughts?

life

there is just something about this ‘poem’ that i adore.. check it out.. it’s from the film ‘me and you and everyone we know‘…. it’s just kinda misquoted….

i going to be free,
and i going to be brave,
and i going to live each day,
as if it were my last.
fantastically.
courageously.
with grace.

and in the dark of the night,
and it does get dark,
when i call a name,
it will be your name.
what’s your name?
nevermind.

lets go,
everywhere,
even though we’re scared,
kuz it’s life,
and it’s happening,
it’s really really happening,
right now.

canned entertainment

i watched the first four episodes of ‘how i met your mother’ today and this show seemed to totally make me laugh out loud.. it has gotta be the best new sitcom this year.. i find the jokes clever and they always seem to catch me off guard.. unlike the predictable shit found in ‘my name is earl’ and ‘everybody hates chris’ which seem ohh so familiar… this show actually made me laugh…. however, i did notice the laugh track, and it kinda frightened me when i did and when i caught myself laughing along with it.. and then i got thinking.. maybe it’s so funny because of the laugh track.. maybe it is the laugh track that is inviting me to laugh and encouraging me to simply let go and enjoy the comic relief the show can provide..?.. both ‘my name is earl’ and ‘everybody hates chris’ exclude a laugh track.. but have jason lee and chris rock (respectively) narrating and coaching us through the plot and explaining why things are should be funny… either way.. we the viewers, audience, product, or whatever.. are being spoon-fed entertainment… and well, is that so bad?!… isn’t that what television is about… turning our brains off, somehow ‘connecting’ to stories/characters and getting lost in a vast wasteland…

idea, rant and no rave

so i was walking around the other day.. and thought to myself.. hey.. wouldn’t it be kool if there was like a bonjour/rendezvous/zeroconf sms protocol for cell phones that are in a very close proximity.. basically, it would just list all the phones that are near you… and you could send these people an sms.. i figure it would be better that trying to talk to these people since everyone is already walking around using their phone anyways…

and have you ever noticed how it has become socially acceptable to answer your phone mid-face-to-face conversation.. but it’s still rude to interrupt someone when they’re on the phone.. something is wrong with that.. face-to-face should always get priority every time (and mom, finally, here is an example of a redundant sentence… saying always and every time is redundant)

buy nothing day

so… buy nothing day is coming up again.. november 26th… and i was just wondering if any one out there has any thoughts on it… personally i think its a good idea… just to prove to ourselves that we can go one day without consuming… but i dunno.. the whole adbusters thing is ‘still’ a little to radical for me… mainly kuz adbusters seems very contradictory to me… but yeah.. let’s not get started… i do support kalle lasn’s legal action against four of Canada’s biggest television broadcasters – CTV, CanWest Global, CBC and CHUM… to allow adbusters to buy airtime… [see ‘our airways, our messages‘]

so, do i participate in BND this year? every year i ask myself this question, and in the past i have brushed it off… and this year.. hmm.. i think it will be hard man… to go a whole day without buying anything… especially when i have to work… does this mean.. i can’t buy my bus fare? or my lunch? or does it just mean… i don’t buy that song from the new canadian iTunes music store… or the new issue of adbusters magizine, or calendar.. hmmm….

if anything.. i think adbusters ideals… are successful… not necessarily in what they want you to do, but in that they make you think and question society around you… look at me… writing this… questioning if i should partake…

i doubt that i will, but i know for sure i will limit my consumption, as you should everyday… “the more you consume, the less you live”

unorganized rant

movies… you ever wonder how people watch so many movies? i’ve stayed home the last 2 nites and have made it through 3 or maybe 4 movies… and they are all movies other people have seen… it just makes me wonder how people manage or choose what to do with their time… do they do things that they enjoy? must be… i enjoy watching movies and listening to music… i don’t read much fiction… kuz it requires you to get to involved in the text… i prefer reading non-fiction… kuz then i can have some tunes kicking in the background… also… this is why i think i enjoy surfing the web instead of watching tv… the control that i have… i get to pick what content i read and i get to pick what music i listen to… watching television is just way to passive for me to do much of… watching commercials drives me crazy.. unless its late at night or after a long day at work… commercials are also one of the reasons for me hating commercial radio… i just hate being fed shit i don’t want to know… especially kuz the messages being fed to me.. don’t actually matter in real life… movies are good… no commercials!! watching movies on city or tbs drives me crazy!! now.. i don’t think i could really live if i had to choose one medium… television or the internet… since they both play a different role… tv is something that can be shared… it can be a social thing.. sorta… surfing the web… is not…. and sucks when people try to make it so… even this blog.. seems kinda like a social thing.. but its not… it’s all a matter of art… movies are art.. they require a lot of details that most viewers over look… they are the details that make reading fiction so cumbersome… tv is just trash… it is just there to keep our commercial society rolling… how else would be know about the schick quattro?!?!? now i am not saying that movies are not part of the commercial bullshit… but i believe that many films are made for more than that… so how does one choose what to do with their time? i still don’t know.

urban rock

ohh yeah.. and since i am talking about some music… before today… i was on a very long ‘tv on the radio’ kick… their ‘desperate youth, blood thirsty babes’ album is amazing… its chillax… and kool… its not as ‘powerful’ or umm… as ‘pretty’ as ‘sufjan stevens’… but i do enjoy the a cappella…. the ‘urban’, almost ‘ikea’ feeling i get while i listen to this is neat… it’s like its not right to listen to this pumping on my iPod while driving around london… ohh well… i like this album… and i hope you do to.. check it out….

greetings from..

damn… i am really enjoying this sufjan stevens album greetings from michigan: the great lake state…. it is very mellow.. and peaceful… and fun… there are other albums sorta like this.. using some of the same styles… but this album has something original about it… check it out if you get a chance.