i feel rather lost sitting here without a defined goal in mind. wait let me rephrase that… i feel rather lost sitting here without a defined strategy on how to achieve my long-term goals in the most pleasant and efficient way in mind… (ie. a wife, kids, house, waterfront cottage, boat, a need for car(s), power tools, an important career, etc…)
right now, i am simply going with the flow.. and basically that means every weekday i rudely awake from my quite entertaining dreams, have a shower, grab a coffee, jump on at least one bus and eventually end up at my designated work area… but amongst all this routine i also experience a few pleasant surprises… and it’s these small phenomena that remind me of how awesome it is to be me and what life is all about! but at work, you see… i have no idea what the next step is… and as time goes on i find myself getting trapped doing mundane tasks that any well-trained monkey could do while smoking a fine imported cigar.
but yeah.. the work stuff will be easy to figure out.. i just need to sit down and think about what’s next, what i need to do to successfully accomplish this, flag these as goals, and start to work towards them (while somehow shifting the banal tasks away from me)… i don’t really anticipate much opposition from above… however, there always could be…
now on to the wife and kids… and well the kids part can be easy and fun… but must wait until i can find someone who i can totally count on and who can complement me in nearly every way. this is going to be a tough one… since this perfect person is no where to be found.. wait there she is… no.. that was just a warm breeze…
now you know, it’s not so bad having the leisure to simply ignore planning for the future or how i am going to pay for rent, etc… but it just seems so foreign to me not to already have a short-term strategy implemented to maximize my long-term potential. hmmm… maybe it’s about time i find a mentor (or possibly a therapist – thanks for the suggestion leona, haha)… because i’m sick of figuring everything out on my own…
2006-06-03 14:35 UPDATE: ohh neat.. i guess the planets (rather their transits) do control my life… check out my horoscope!
in this entry i will not simply recite the activities and occurrences since my last entry but rather attempt to shed some vague insight on how these various activities have made me feel, what i have learned, what i would do again… names will be left out, events will not appear in any order, and only i will truly know what the fuck i am talking about. actually, i think, i am just going to make a list of ‘tips’… and hopefully, sometime in the future when i read these, i will know what i was referring to and/or know how they helped me.
ok, enough with the tips… they are making me somewhat nauseous, and won’t apply to everyone… so, i guess the main takeaway from this is: hmmm, i dunno… continue to live, continue to reflect and evaluate, so you can make the right decisions, and after you do this… be sure to share your experiences so others can benefit from what you learned. (omg, this is the e-portfolio process isn’t it?!… lol… working in education is awesome!)
ok i played entirely too much acoustic folk guitar today.. but i simply can’t put the damn thing down!! sure, it’s extremely painful to continue playing, as it is also to type anything using my left hand… but it’s all good!! practice makes progress!! and finally i can play a simple A…D…E…A… pretty much in-tune and in-time… (thanks to the absolute beginners dvd that kele got me!) so yeah.. i can’t wait until my fingers harden up so i can continue to practice (with less pain) and learn how to play a real song!! whoo hoo… indie rock’n’roll for me… kuz it’s all i need!!
really who needs to go out?… when you can sit here in front of the computer each and every day for at least 16 hours… really? do people actually need social contact, meaningful relationships, shared experiences, and all the other so called wonderful things that happen out there in the traditional/offline world…. like seriously!?!? who wouldn’t want to sit alone in the dark in an overpriced downtown vancouver apartment while sipping on warm canned beer and writing a self-mocking blog entry for all to read?… and… really… who needs a life outside of work? or friends? like why would anyone want to do something “fun” on the weekend? why not just sit around and do the same shit over and over… and over… and slowly start to feel sorry for yourself… i hear it’s fun… i swear… shit, everyone should try it!! just make sure you get yourself some really high-speed internet and a pretty fast computer and you’ll be set!! your life will be complete and totally happy!! nothing could be better than reading the same news headlines over and over in one of your many rss readers… or checking your own music stats on last.fm… shit, the best part of doing all this is… the freedom that you’ll gain!! you will be able to do whatever you want!! you can do things like search for anything your little, unused and empty heart desires on ‘popular’ sites like google or yahoo or wikipedia!! and if yer really feeling happy and complete, you can even modify entries on wikipedia that you think you know the most about… like being a fat lazy ass, with no friends, no life, and nothing progressive, fun or rewarding to do on a friday nite…
today, i need to file my income taxes. sure the deadline is not until tomorrow at midnight, but i feel i have already put this off for far too long. you see, it’s unusual for me not to enjoy doing my taxes, since in the past, i have always been amused by the documents that need to be aggregated through this formal and complex system of calculations, and how one slight variation of a single entry can result in vast disparities.
maybe all this dawdling is just a result of my subconscious acceptance to paying income tax, and an acknowledgment that my participation in the filing process, could only bring more complication my way. in other words… my taxes are taken off each pay at the appropriate rate, determined by trained professionals… the cra already knows this, and what i make, and what i have paid them.. so why bother asking me again? do they want me, a simply layman, to err in their favour, and pay out more of my hard earned cash than necessary by law? or are they being thoughtful and simply providing me with a formal means to lie, cheat, and steal my way out of paying the required taxes? i don’t know!! shit, maybe overpaying is even a good thing to further help provide the social services and infrastructure we all need and love… i just don’t know anymore!!
hello hello, it’s just me again.. writing away.. saying hi… i’ve been über-busy at work and it’s totally draining me.. however, i did manage to have a good weekend.. friday i went out and bought me a new laptop bag.. because it was about time to say bye to my north face backpack from grade nine… and i also went out for drinks with cameron at the alibi room and with tyler at king’s head… overall had a great night… saturday, i didn’t do much.. i don’t think… and sunday i went out on a blind breakfast date, which was a refreshing change.. eating breakfast is great.. i should do it more often, because it’s the most important meal of the day you know…
well that was interesting… i awoke fairly early this morning and had an urge to get out and do something… at first, i thought of renting a bicycle and riding around stanley park… but then i figured it may be better to save that for day with a little less overcast…
and then moments later, it dawned on me.. it’s sunday… and what do some people do on sunday.. “mmm… church… i’ll goto church!” so i messaged my sister and we laughed at the thought of it together for a while… and i did some googling to find a church around here, then i shaved, showered, put my ‘sunday clothes’ on, and headed down to Holy Rosary Cathedral for mass…
this was something i had not done since grade school, when i purposely broke-free from organized religion (and decided not to receive the sacrament of confirmation – something then, and probably still, unheard of for a student in a catholic school)
anyways, my spontaneity, the ceremony, the nearly forgotten procedures, and especially the protests outside on the sidewalk, all helped to create an interesting event to partake in…
hey last night i ordered some food in, for the first while living at this apartment… i’ve resisted trying to do this in the past, since i had no buzzer for the delivery person to buzz.. but last week, or maybe two weeks ago now.. i had my property manager hook my buzzer up… so now i am in business.
my first delivery was from pizza hut… since i was craving a ‘the edge-works’ and also since i wanted to try out their online ordering… (which they had in the 90s and no one used it, so i think they got rid of it, but it’s back now as it should be)
anyways, online ordering is not as personal or fun as calling to flirt and order your pizza.. but it is nice to see the specials displayed in a static form instead of asking for them and then trying to rhyme them off to your friends.. and then saying.. ok.. i’ll call you back.. and then calling back to make your order.. so i guess you lose a little to get a little.. or something… 😛
hey.. so i bought me my first guitar and thus far it’s awesome.. i am learning all about c and d and g and yey!! i am so giddy.. ohh and in case you are wondering i got the yamaha f310 from long & mcquade’s down on hastings st… kele helped pick it out… and crissy explained the basics… and well.. i am totally stoked!! – i have sore fingers, but so totally stoked!! – learning something completely new is going to be awesome!! “ohh.. what’s that you say?… i have to get back to being an indie rock star right now?.. ohh ok.. (a popular desire)
so i am 25 and just moments ago [well actually it was hours ago due to self-imposed editorial constraints] i realized that i am not an old man but rather i am the youngest of men… and i also realized car rental places have had it right all along… kuz at 25 you really do suddenly grow up (and no longer have the urge to totally burn their cars’ brakes out for mere entertainment purposes)…. but would rather spend your time doing productive things that can actually benefit a positive predetermined cause or that can contribute towards something that will make your life happy in the future and/or even right now.
you see, at 25 i guess the world is your oyster… if you played your cards right (assuming the cards you were dealt were good) you should be in a situation that is pretty much similar to any other new beginning in your life… i say this, kuz me being 25 really feels like i am starting at a new school… or something like that… kuz i know i have done what it takes to get here… but i am still pretty much unfamiliar with it all… now, keep in mind at work… i am getting the hang of it, no prob at all… but in my personal life…. i still pretty much feel like i am on a short-term holiday, away from my friends and girlfriend, which means it doesn’t really matter what i do now, kuz when this is over it will all be back to how it was before i left…… the problem is i know this is not true… i now know living away from home is not a short-term thing…. i know that me living day-to-day now is actually my life… and whenever i can do things that make me happy, i should… ok.. forget about my logic and theories… maybe it will be most beneficial if we look at another popular medium that helps indoctrinate us all… such as, american network television… so lets focus on popular sitcoms or dramas or any type of show with characters in the 25-35 age group… we can see that the majority of their ‘televised’ lives are absorbed not by working, blogging, or recycling, or toilet cleaning, or anything common to me like that.. but rather by the pursue of finding a perfect date or a perfect life-partner…. so well… i guess i need to start doing that… not kuz american network television knows best… but rather kuz i know this is what i am missing…